Grateful

Today I'm overloaded with such gratitude, to be Xanders mommy brings a joy to me I could never even try to describe in words. This time last year I was hanging on to the hope that my body would not fail me and X would be at least born close to term.. I was 20 weeks pregnant and getting my ultrasound to find out what we were having!! There was also a research team wanting to try a new little gadget they had to tell a woman's cervical length, I wasn't really feeling all that but they had a few little cute gifts for doing it so I eventually gave in..That afternoon we found out we were having a boy! I wanted a boy so badly and will never forget the ultrasound tech telling us it was a boy, my face hurt that day because my smile was unstoppable..I was the happiest woman alive that day. About 30 minutes later we did the cervical length test and I had a pretty good idea that something was off since they wanted to verify what results they had with a vaginal probe..At 20 weeks my CL was 1.5 cm, typically the CL for a 20 week pregnant woman is around 3.5 to 5 cm, a huge difference. I don't think I really grasped at that time what that really meant or how it would affect my pregnancy. Starting that day I was to go on a extended medical leave from my job and be on strict bed rest and be followed once per week to reevaluate my CL. I went back the following week and things continued to go downhill..I was admitted to L&D for monitoring and stayed there for two weeks. That was for sure one of the most trying times I have gone through. My husband and my laptop were huge in saving my sanity but I also got back my closeness to God..I was so scared, lost and was looking for anything to give me hope..I did not have to look far to find it, he was with Xander and me the whole time. My relationship with God today has only gotten better, I give him all the thanks for watching over me and my boy. At 24 weeks I received my two doses of steroids for Xanders lungs, if he was to be born premature these shots would greatly decrease his chances of having a hard as time opposed to if he did not get them..The Doc felt good after me getting those shots and released me to go home for a week on strict rest even those my CL was now .9 mm..Needless to say I was readmitted once again and delivered X at 27 weeks on the nose.. So did I get way off topic or what! This post is all about gratitude, gratitude for being given the opportunity to be a mother, gratitude for the support of my family and gratitude for continuous strength and courage I get from god..My life has never been more fulfilling than it is now..I have been given the most incredible gift of all, one I thought I may of never had the chance to have..my son, he is my heart, a love so deep and unconditional, a love like I've never known until I met him..I will always be grateful for the incredible gift of motherhood.. On this mother's day, I am whole, I am complete and I am so very loved..What more could a mom ask for?

Jen



This was over a month ago but I love it..Xander just waking up, smiling as always!